I woke up this morning, for the first time in most of a week, without the feeling that I was drowning in mucus.
That deserves a celebration!
I’m going to celebrate with a walk. Outside in the crisp air with a view of snow-covered mountains, under a cloudy sky.
Down this street:
I’m going to do it, because I can. And because it will feel good and afterward, my skin will tingle and my muscles will be warm. I’m even going to run a little. Just to see how fast and how far I can go.
It might not be far this time, or very fast. But my new running shoes make me feel like I can fly and I want to try.
My shin splint may start hurting. My neighbors might see my fat jiggle. It’s been so long since I ran outside, I might trip and fall on my face. It might hurt to breathe when I stop. I could get a stitch in my side.
Here’s one thing, though, that I know won’t happen. I won’t ponder, with each step, how this running will make me skinny. I am so over turning every fun thing upside down to read it’s fat-burning potential.
Today I’m going to run, even if it’s only one minute, because I’m an athlete. And because, even though I thoroughly forgot it somewhere between 15 and 39, running is fun.
Today, I’m going to appreciate every step, every ache, every hard breath. Because I know those things mean I’m getting stronger. And when I’m stronger, I can go faster and further.
I hate being scared. When something scares me, I almost always feel compelled to do it until it’s not scary anymore.
I’m scared to run.
Someone accused me this week of making excuses for being fat and giving up on losing weight. They also became very upset when I mentioned that I can be healthy even if I never lose a pound.
The strangest thing about that exchange, which was with someone I’m very close to, was that I had to have a death grip on my instinct to capitulate. To agree that weight loss should be my number one consideration because that’s what fat people are expected to say.
Not saying it feels a little bit like thumbing my nose at society.
Here’s the thing: For the first time in my life, I’m not making excuses any more. Not even to meet societies expectations of me. And it feels amazing.
Turns out, I like being a rabble rouser.
So, today I’m going to run, even if it’s just for a minute. My lungs will expand to take in more cold mountain air, my heart will work harder to pump blood to my muscles.
And when I’m done, I’ll be a tiny bit healthier, a tiny bit fitter. A tiny bit closer to a 5K. And still fat.
How are you going to rouse some rabble today?