Running While Fat

I woke up this morning, for the first time in most of a week, without the feeling that I was drowning in mucus.

That deserves a celebration!

I’m going to celebrate with a walk. Outside in the crisp air with a view of snow-covered mountains, under a cloudy sky.

Down this street:


(That’s my dad and my daughters two Thanksgivings ago, walking down my town’s main street.)

I’m going to do it, because I can. And because it will feel good and afterward, my skin will tingle and my muscles will be warm. I’m even going to run a little. Just to see how fast and how far I can go.

It might not be far this time, or very fast. But my new running shoes make me feel like I can fly and I want to try.

My shin splint may start hurting. My neighbors might see my fat jiggle. It’s been so long since I ran outside, I might trip and fall on my face. It might hurt to breathe when I stop. I could get a stitch in my side.

Here’s one thing, though, that I know won’t happen. I won’t ponder, with each step, how this running will make me skinny. I am so over turning every fun thing upside down to read it’s fat-burning potential.

Today I’m going to run, even if it’s only one minute, because I’m an athlete. And because, even though I thoroughly forgot it somewhere between 15 and 39, running is fun.

Big fun.

Today, I’m going to appreciate every step, every ache, every hard breath. Because I know those things mean I’m getting stronger. And when I’m stronger, I can go faster and further.

I hate being scared. When something scares me, I almost always feel compelled to do it until it’s not scary anymore.

I’m scared to run.

Someone accused me this week of making excuses for being fat and giving up on losing weight. They also became very upset when I mentioned that I can be healthy even if I never lose a pound.

The strangest thing about that exchange, which was with someone I’m very close to, was that I had to have a death grip on my instinct to capitulate. To agree that weight loss should be my number one consideration because that’s what fat people are expected to say.

Not saying it feels a little bit like thumbing my nose at society.

Here’s the thing: For the first time in my life, I’m not making excuses any more. Not even to meet societies expectations of me. And it feels amazing.

Turns out, I like being a rabble rouser.

So, today I’m going to run, even if it’s just for a minute. My lungs will expand to take in more cold mountain air, my heart will work harder to pump blood to my muscles.

And when I’m done, I’ll be a tiny bit healthier, a tiny bit fitter. A tiny bit closer to a 5K. And still fat.

How are you going to rouse some rabble today?

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Running While Fat

  1. I needed to read this. Thank you! I don’t know what I will do to rabble rouse (I do so love to rabble rouse), but I will keep it in mind until I get home this evening. =0)

  2. Roz

    I’m fat and running, too! well, I run…then walk….then run…then walk. For 20 minutes. It IS getting easier to run, but still easy to talk myself out of it “today.” I didn’t today…but after reading this, I’m gonna go tomorrow. PROMISE! So think of me running and jiggling and walking.

    • I will think about you running and jiggling, Roz! How fun 🙂 I went out for my run/walk today. I didn’t go as far as I wanted, because my legs started to hurt. So, so, so frustrating. BUT–I went a mile at 3.5 MPH average. How exciting is that? (Well, it is for me. LOL) ETA: Kevin and I drove my route to see the mileage, and it was only 8/10 of a mile, not a whole mile. (Nice judge of distance, right?) Which I think is closer to 3 MPH–which I’ll still take.

  3. FFC

    I ran while fat today, too! It was warm out (50 yeah!) so I didn’t have on my usual jiggle-hiding fleece, but I got over it fast and it was pretty awesome. It smelled like burning weeds… an overwhelming spring experience. Loved it!

    • Yay! I can’t tell you how amazing it makes me feel to hear about everyone getting out there and letting their athlete out. It makes feel all warm and tingly inside. It makes me feel like, shin splints (grrr) and all, I’m part of some awesome club of kick ass women.

  4. G

    Oheeey, it’s my blog title, haha!

    I hope your run was great!

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