Yoga

I told you yesterday that I was thinking about a yoga class. My gym has a room with a giant TV where you can choose from a selection of exercise classes. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a yoga class that was easy enough for a starting-from-zero beginner.

So, I was reading the Slow, Fat Triathlete’s blog today and found this site that offers a different free yoga class online every week. And since this week’s is for ‘novices,’ I figured I’d give it a try.

Ummm. . .

Yeah. I lasted ten minutes. That was three hours ago, and my legs are still all wobbly. It wasn’t hard the way running would be hard. I wasn’t sweating or heaving breaths. But it was an intense 10 minutes. And guess what? I loved it! I ordered myself this yoga DVD today. It looks pretty amazing. I Googled the woman who is in it and she’s all about all inclusive yoga, which is super.

I’m going to try it again tomorrow and see if I can go 15. Or maybe I’ll just do another 10 today when Ruby gets home. She loves exercising.

I am feeling better, a little bit each day. That is so exciting. I’m trying to figure out some way to share this. I think there are a lot of people, me included, who just sink into this place where they accept that they don’t feel good. I don’t want to be there anymore.

I’m not about losing weight. I’d be happy to be a 340-pound woman who feels really good. Who can do the things she wants to do. There is such a difference between choosing not to eat a giant bowl of ice cream before bed because I’m dieting and it’s ‘bad’ and choosing not to because all that dairy and sugar at night makes me a mucus machine and gives me weird dreams.

It’s the same difference between logging in miles on the treadmill because I’m trying to look skinnier and choosing to go to push a little harder because I want to get strong enough for my brother to teach me to ski next winter.

One is empowering and one is demoralizing.  At least for me. Also, one is not likely to last beyond my breaking point.

I watched a DVD of an A&E reality series called Rollergirls today while I was finishing up my fifth (and final, wahoo!) packet of school work for this semester. And I couldn’t stop thinking . . . I’m going to be there. I’m a derby wannabe, and I’m okay with that.

And guess what else? It isn’t my fat body that’s kept me from being athletic. It’s my fat head. My body is amazing just the way it is. It’s capable of building strength and flexibility and learning to do things that my head has struggled to wrap itself around.

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